Posted in Mommyhood

Little Slumber Party of Horrors

Last Updated on September 27, 2020 by World’s Okayest Mom

“I’m hosting a Descendants-themed slumber party for five girls, ages 4 to 10.”

That’s my declaration.

If I know my readers at all, you’re thinking: “How the holy Maleficient are you going to manage that?”

Um… By willing it to be so.

The Slumber Party Plan

I thought if I told enough people my declaration, it was just magically happen. But to be safe, I explained: “The girls are going to watch Descendants movies in our great room and just fall asleep.”  (In case you aren’t in the know about Descendants, see here.)

So I told everyone: co-workers, parents of the slumber party attendees, my mom (who just smiled knowingly), the girl at the craft store who rang up our party supplies, random strangers I saw driving down the street.

If I say it enough and get enough people to believe it, it must be so. Right?

In hindsight, this was my actual plan:

Invite 4 girls to our house (two of whom have never had a slumber party, one of whom is age 4 and last time she stayed at our house, we swore never again), hype them up with sugar of all forms, fill their hair and heads with fumes that should have a separate excise tax, turn on the movie, turn off the lights, and hope for the best.

Spoiler alert: It didn’t quite go as planned.

The Slumber Party Mistakes

In hindsight, I definitely didn’t have the best ideas, but I don’t see how I could have done it differently. I followed My Girl’s wishes (slumber party, snacks, movies); I looked up Descendants-themed activities and treats; I planned a fun surprise.

All were a mistake.

The Craft

All accomplished birthday parties include a craft, right? So I planned for the girls to decorate Evie’s magic mirror, from the movie. I purchased handheld compact mirrors and crafty decorations. Lots of crafty decorations – sequins, gemstones, jewels, puffy paints and glitter.

Lots of glitter.

That was my mistake, as Monica quickly pointed out.

The party was a week ago, but the memory – and glitter – of the night remains.

Surprise Hair Coloring

Next, I surprised the girls with hair coloring. In Descendants, the main characters have fun hair colors – green, pink, blue and purple. So, grateful for My Girl’s birthday’s proximity to Halloween, I stopped by the seasonal costume store and bought six cans of hairspray coloring.

Two things I didn’t think through: the fumes from the hair spray was enough to damage the girls’ brain cells so they may never achieve a passing grade in calculus; and brushing the hair of five girls after sleeping in said hair spray all night is torturous for all involved, possibly more so for me.

The girls were thrilled with their newly-colored hair. Twelve hours later, and I’ll be kicking myself for this activity.

The Poisonous Snack

Last, I planned a “healthy snack” of poison apples – again, Descendants themed. This involved apple slices and all kinds of fun toppings: chocolate, caramel, marshmallow fluff, sprinkles, chocolate chips, and vanilla yogurt.

Ok, so maybe not a healthy snack. But I had hoped that the apple slices and yogurt would negate the sugar content of rest of the toppings. It didn’t. And no one touched the yogurt. Pinterest may have aptly named this snack “poison apples” not because it works with my Descendants-theme but because the sugar involved transformed the girls into mythical creatures of destruction.

On the bright side, while serving the food to the girls, My Girl took on the persona of a Marie Antoinette and told her friends to ignore me, as I was just the “servant.” I believe the word “wench” was used at some point.

Slumber Party Assistance

With all my mistakes, it’s not like I was without help. LeslieAnn and Monica assisted in my madness for a while. And, of course, The Husband was there. Note: I said he was “there” not that he was particularly helpful.

He was given two jobs. One. Pick up LeslieAnn’s daughter. But LeslieAnn let him off the hook and brought her to us. Two. Get the pizzas.

While, in theory, this was helpful, I really should have taken that job upon myself. Because in “get the pizzas”, The Husband escaped what I can only term as “Scream Tag.” This is the game where the girls ran around the house, playing tag and screaming.

I’m not positive that screaming was an explicit rule of play, but to my bleeding ears, it certainly seemed like it.

Surprisingly, The Husband ended up with a much harder job: avoid pajama time.

Before starting the first movie, I tasked the girls with changing into their pjs. I heard The Husband scamper to the kitchen, yelling:

“There’s a naked girl in every room!”

He wasn’t exaggerating. I started in the great room – yup, one stripping down there; moved into the living room – and another in the middle of undressing there; worked my way up the stairs – surprisingly, there was a naked child on the steps, too; finally ending up with a closed door to the bathroom and My Girl’s room. At least two of them had some modesty.

Perhaps I should have clarified as to where the changing into pajamas was to take place.

The Slumber Party Main Event

The main event was the viewing of Descendants 2 and 3. I told My Girl she could only watch two movies, so to drive my OCD husband nuts, she started in the middle of the series.

Between the two movies, in place of cake, we had an ice cream sundae bar. Mind you, this was about 9:30 p.m. and minutes before I told the girls: “Ok… Time to start settling down and getting ready for bedtime.”

Rookie mistake.

You’d think this was my first child. Or my first slumber party.

Wait… It was.

I realized the idiocy of my plan when LeslieAnn’s girl so sweetly thanked me saying:

“My mom would never let me do this! Not just rarely let me do this. But NEVER let me do this!”

Well, shit.

This is where My Girl said: “Raise a glass to freedom!” Thank you, Hamilton.

It’s not like I didn’t know what I was doing. At one point, Monica and I played around with ways to get the girls to actually go to sleep.

My favorite solution was crushing up melatonin capsules and offering it as a sundae topping. Unicorn sprinkles, I would call it. To be clear, I did not do it.

So yeah, bedtime went about as well as you can imagine.

The Slumbering of the Slumber Party

The second movie ended around midnight and I tucked the girls into “bed” – i.e. the couch and air mattress in our great room. After nine minutes of chatting (a deal I made with Jane the day before), I told the girls enough was enough. Time for bed.

The girls actually quieted down pretty quickly. I planned to sleep on the couch in the nearby living room. The Husband, naturally, had gone to bed hours before.

The quiet lasted 15 minutes, during which that time I was congratulating myself of such a successful and easy party.

Another rookie mistake.

Fifteen minutes. Then Little LuLu started to get restless. Then there was a lot of “shhhhhhhh”. When I finally went in to check on them, Cindy Lou started to miss her momma. Her sweet momma is B. Swift, so I don’t blame her there.

But five minutes later, she was in a full-out panic. I tried everything I could think of: I rocked her in my arms, I sympathized, I tried to distract her, I tried to bribe her (my MO), I tried being stern. I figured she would cry herself out. I figured I could outlast her.

I figured wrong.

After about 20 minutes, I called B. Swift hoping she could talk to Cindy Lou and calm her down. But B. Swift said she would come get her. Poor girl. And I mean both of them.

As soon as Cindy Lou heard her momma was coming to rescue her, she became very sleepy. And feel asleep on my lap. I contemplated calling B. Swift back and telling her to stay home, but knowing my luck, Cindy Lou would wake up in two hours and then be in hysterics. And I would forever be the auntie who lied to her and traumatized her for any future slumber parties.

So poor Cindy Lou and poor B. Swift (who had to make the hour and a half round trip) exited the party around 1:30 a.m.

But that’s wasn’t the end for me. Little LuLu also had problems settling down. Since she lives next door, I was a little more willing to let her go home. But obstinate little cutie that she is, she didn’t want to go home. She just didn’t want to go to sleep.

At that point, I was using any weapon at my disposal.

“I’ve already sent one child home,” I told her. “I’ll send you home, too.”

In the back of my mind, I hoped I had built up enough street cred as a cool and fun mom, what with my sundae bar and hair coloring, that the girls didn’t think I was too mean with those words.

I needn’t worry. Those words barely affected Little LuLu. She complained of a tummy ache at that point, so I gave her some children’s Tylenol.

That, to my good fortune, apparently did affect her. She went right to sleep after that. It wasn’t until I was back on the couch, enjoying the silence, that I realized: I may have drugged Little LuLu to sleep… Oh well.

By the way, that was Monica’s reaction when I told her – a very non-judgement shrug.

But once again, that was not the end of my night. Around 2:30 a.m., Jane jolted me awake in a fret.

“I can’t find Little LuLu,” she said.

Cue my heart rate and cold sweat, because, of course, if I was going to lose a child at this slumber party, it made perfect sense to me that it would be Little LuLu. So I rushed into the great room. And Little LuLu was sleeping exactly where I had tucked her in.

“She’s right there!” I pointed out to Jane.

“Oh,” is all she had to say. “I didn’t see her.”

I wonder now if Jane was sleep talking/walking.

After that, I did get a somewhat restful four hours. Somewhat as I was sleeping on the couch. And four hours because all the girls, sans My Girl, were up around 6:30 a.m.

In summary, you can say the slumber party was a success: My Girl said it was “the best birthday party ever!”; 80 percent of the girls who fell asleep at my house also woke up at my house; and one person got a full night’s rest. That person was The Husband who hid upstairs, but sometimes you’ve got to take any wins you can get.

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